I Lysoled the Christmas Tree

In an act of pure desperation I sprayed Lysol on our Christmas tree this week.

It wasn’t even pine scented.

Jingle (Cough) Jingle (Sneeze)

It all started the week after Thanksgiving when I got really sick. Like “ended up getting carted off to the hospital” level sick. It was horribly embarrassing as all I really needed was some intense cold medication and a million hours of sleep.

But that episode kicked off a series of illnesses in my family that would have been impressive if it wasn’t so gross. We weren’t sick every single day of December. There were some glimmering moments of Yuletide cheer, but there was also an intense amount of coughing. At least every other day someone was hacking out the tune of Jingle Bells.

As the days until Christmas dipped into the single digits I finally had quite enough of this. We were all going to get better. No more fevers, no more stomach bugs, no more coughing, no more tissues. We were going to be the hap-happiest health-healthiest family this side of the Mississippi if it was the last thing I did.

Where Is My Good Sponge??

So I started rage cleaning.

Everything that wasn’t tied down got thrown into the washing machine with boiling water, laundry detergent, and a magic spell I looked up on the internet. Everything that was tied down got Lysol sprayed or wiped. Counters, banisters, doorknobs, lamps, shelves, Elf on the Shelf, our Christmas tree…

Then I started power vacuuming, sucking up every last ounce of dirt our home was hiding. I opened windows, I scoured tubs, I broke a rage cleaning sweat. My Christmas crazy eyes were on, and they were twinkling with the light of holiday joy and insanity.

The Christmas Crazy Eyes

Have you ever gotten the Christmas crazy eyes?

Maybe it was during the search for the perfect present. Or at 3am when you forgot to move the Elf. Perhaps when you were attempting to recreate your family’s traditional holiday cookie and flour somehow ended up on your ceiling. Or, and I’m just spitballing here, you realized you left your kid at home while the rest of your family was flying to Paris and you “have to get home to your 8 year old son!!!” Something inside clicks and all of a sudden you are taking no holiday prisoners. You’re going to make this happen, dammit! We will not lose the magic of the season!!!

It’s never a good look.

As my son says “Christmas is about family and loving” and it shouldn’t make us bananas. But it does sometimes, that’s the honest truth, and I think it’s because of the family and the loving. We want to make the season extra special for all of the people we care about and we go above and beyond for them. The crazy eyes come from a good place. So while I don’t love the Christmas crazy eyes, I understand them.

It’s a Christmas Miracle

And in this particular instance of Christmas crazy eyes. Well… they worked. Coughing has subsided. We’re all upright. My house is downright sparkling (for the time being) and we’re ready to get all kinds of festive up in here.

Over the next several days we’ll be opening up our disinfected home to friends and family and filling every corner with Christmas carols instead of empty bottles of DayQuil. I’ll be hugging people without wearing a surgical mask and allowing others to use my sink without signing a waiver. We’ll be sharing stories and presents, but not cups… Don’t share cups. It’s still cold season.

I’m excited for all of it. It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Will every single second of the next week be pure magic? Maybe not. But I’m embracing both the magical and the maddening, laughing at the fact that I Lysoled the dang tree, and knowing that behind my Christmas crazy eyes were Christmas heart eyes. That works for me.

To quote one of my favorite Christmas movies, and your 2018 Very Merry Christmas Movie Bracket runner up, “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal.” And to quote the actual bracket winner, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, “Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”