Sometimes I feel like a bad mom.
Like when my daughter comes home from daycare and her hair has been redone into a perfect ponytail that looks about 100 times better than the ponytail I sent her off with in the morning.
Or when I’m picking my son up from preschool and the other kids are wearing hats and mittens for the 20-yard dash to the car and my kid is in a light unzipped jacket.
Sometimes I feel like a bad mom when my daughter crawls into our bed at 4:30am and I’m too tired to move her back to her own room even though I know I’m becoming a pushover.
Sometimes I feel like a bad mom when my son says “Mommy, stop looking at your phone” while we are playing cars.
Because sometimes playing cars is boring.
There, I said it.
Sometimes I feel like a bad mom when I’m on an airplane, watching Bad Moms, and I haven’t been with my kids for two days.
Even if I FaceTimed with them five times. Even if I was in Florida for my grandmother’s birthday that weekend. Even if I talked about my kids the whole time.
I have felt guilty for not making homemade banana bread for my kids and feeding them packaged granola bars. Then I’ve felt guilty for making homemade banana bread because it meant I wasn’t playing hide and seek.
And then I ate the rest of the chocolate chips that were supposed to go in the banana bread, because feelings…
It’s an uphill battle. Feeling like you’re not doing a good enough job.
Or that good enough isn’t good enough because it’s not great.
But I’m theirs. They are mine.
And even if I didn’t love the newborn stage, or I haven’t knitted them a single item of clothing, or I didn’t buy an 8X10 of their school picture because it was just okay, or I don’t know what I am doing 95% of the time, that fact is not changing.
So sometimes I feel like a bad mom. But all the time I feel like their mom. I carry their hearts in my heart.
Always, forever, and the best way I know how.
Maybe that’s good enough. Maybe it’s even great.
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Photography by Lyndsay Hannah Photography